When grief comes knocking, life is unfamiliar territory and struggle is the order of the day.
To every person their struggle is unsurmountable at least once at some point during which it persists. No one can make you believe it will be ok. No one can make you understand that it could be worse. When you’re worn out and broken you believe that it is what it is and that is where you will always remain.
Words come to those who feel. And you feel yourself breaking you feel it harder than you think you will ever feel anything else. We suddenly have so much to say. Where was all of this hiding? There is a battle between your feelings and your reality and the sound of your knees hitting the floor as you surrender, is louder than anything else you’ll hear.
Your thoughts are deeper, your words are wounded and you basically believe there is no light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how many self help books you read, how many groups you join, you will only want enough time for yourself where you can be left alone to dwell in the comfort of our pain.
You only relate to everything that glorifies grief, heartbreak and everything that fortifies the belief that you feeling this way, is permanent. Truth is, you have to go through it all to come out on the other side of grief which will end, but you don’t believe it yet.
Nothing anyone says is going to be more powerful than the story you tell yourself. The excuses you make, for your current state or the excuses you make for others, because of whom you are where you are.
The reality of it all really is you are the beginning and the end of it all. You can dwell in a moment as long as you want to and just like that snap out of it too. But all these realisations will only come when the time is right. And the time is right only when the situation has taught you what you needed to learn.
Your decision to be alright is going to be as successful as your new year resolution. It will take a single memory to collapse you into the nothingness you became so comfortable in. Even when you feel you are ok, there will be times you will find yourself suffering, wanting.
It is a rough road, but there is an end and when you reach it, it will be unfamiliar territory. The newness of your thoughts will surprise you and you will feel brand new. Till then, remember, you must enjoy what there is to enjoy and suffer, what there is to suffer. Nothing will come to you a minute sooner than it is destined to come to you.
Maktub. (It is written)
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